To Be.
Trying to keep my heart at bay. Only responding, not initiating. Trying to find ways to show interest without coming off overbearing. Or too forward. Or any of those things. Just trying to respond. The heart of a woman was knit to respond to the love of a man.
But why is it so hard? I guess the responding isn’t the hard part. When we’re together, when we’re talking or doing, it’s easy to slip into a ‘being’ state of mind. Just be. Be here, be now, respond, love, be. But in the in between times? That’s when it’s tricky. That’s where sitting comes in handy. Focusing on one thing at a time. Working, not striving or trying. I dunno, it all sounds the same after a while. Doing, sitting, being, working, striving, trying. Pushing. Walking. Running.
I’m feeling oh-so quiet this week. My heart went on a surprising adventure this weekend and I’m still not totally sure how to wrap myself around it. I’m just carrying it in two hands, with a surprised look on my face, asking “Where does this fit?” I don’t even know if I have space for it. He was in my house. On my couch, in his socks. I was at his restaurant, in his kitchen in blue shoes.
